With the sad news of the death of George Carlin, in honor of his outlook on things, it’s had me thinking of a few observations I’ve had for awhile.
Have you ever noticed that you can, for the most part, build an accurate personality profile of a person based on what vehicle they drive?
First – the minivan. No male with any testosterone left in his veins drives a minivan unless..
1. He is over the age of 60 and driving the grandkids to soccer practice is his only escape in life.
2. Late some evening, when he was asleep, his wife castrated him.
3. His wife purchased it, and he’s forced to drive it, under the threat of never seeing his wife naked again if he doesn’t.
4. It’s all that he can afford to drive – as it was either given to him, or his only other option was a rusted out Yugo.
Otherwise, it’s driven by a woman who equates a car with a refrigerator as an appliance.
Yet, for the most part, the driving behavior of the minivan driver (damn…I sound more like an anthropologist) is usually the same. Whip out into traffic, forcing all oncoming vehicles to slam on their brakes – then drive in the fast lane at least 10mpg under the speed limit.
The closest driver to a minivan driver – is the person driving a Saturn.
I had to keep from laughing today as I watched an elderly couple in a Buick. I know that General Motors has a problem – they want to appeal to a younger demographic, yet not alienate the older population that has been the brand’s “bread and butter” but come on…why makes people over the age of 50 think that driving a large, lumbering, slow, inefficient car like a Buick is the epitome of driving?
Then…we have opposite side of the equation. I was watching an episode of “Top Gear” on BBC America the other week, and the host Jeremy Clarkson – before he would drive the BMW in a car comparison test, insisted on wearing a polo shirt, Dockers, and a Bluetooth headset. Ever since then, every time I look at a driver of a BMW, it’s either a girl who is trying to impress her girlfriends (and her next car is a Mercedes) – or it’s a dude that is wearing a polo shirt, Dockers, and a Bluetooth headset. I realize that I’ve just described every single male under 30 in Scottsdale, AZ. Who has that “uber-cool” haircut that if they ever watched an older movie, would realize it’s the same haircut Pee Wee Herman had 20 years ago!
All of these people usually create more accidents than they actually cause…and have no idea of the nirvana caused by learning how to drive a proper sports car….properly! Europe should be happy that there isn’t a bridge between us and them…or maybe they’d then experience the unfortunate experience of road rage when they get cut off by the minivan, stuck behind the Saturn, who’s car won’t start because they stalled avoiding the Buick taking 30 minutes to parallel park…all while the dude in the BMW looks like he’s talking to himself!